Celestial Seasonings': Sleepytime Vanilla infusion

As secretly calming as Avril Lavigne's 'Complicated' usually is for me, today was not one of those days. I worked all damn day and got damn near nothing done, now my house is so damn cold I can see my own damn breath, and my damn sausage rolls are still cooking in the oven and I'm real damn hungry. UPDATE: So after checking on my sausage rolls, turns out I burned the damn things, but it's all good, because they are still uncooked in the...oh whatever, you know what? I don't have the emotional fortitude to deal with this at the moment:

Maybe I'll look back at this and laugh. YEAH MORE LIKE
LOOK BACK AT THIS WITH AN EMPTY STOMACH! YOU
FAILED ME OVEN, YOU HAD ONE ROLL (ROLE - geddit) 

But, you didn't come here to hear me complain about things, you came here to hear me complain specifically, about commercial tea, and I want to, but my fingers are cold. Well buckle up son, 'cos life ain't meant to always be easy and it's ain't always meant to be fun, and tea is a great example of that.

Todays tea is Celestial Seasonings': Sleepytime Vanilla infusion. Mmmm, well that's a lie, because right now it's the only tea I own, so it's also tomorrow's tea, and also 18 days after that.


Initial observations:
The box of tea smells great: minty, vanilla...ish(?), and it has a picture of a cute bear is taking a nap. All is well in this universe. I want to be unbirthed, then rebirthed into this idyllic world for the first time ever. I don't want to know of anything but this majestic life this cool, radical bear here promises; I don't want the corrupting influence of humanity to screw me up influence me all over again. This is what I want; the endless possibilities, no drama lifestyle, button up shirts and hammocks all day, everyday. OKAY, here we go:

This Paddington wannabe
Is sittin' infronna me
Like he thinks he's a king
Like inbred Lannister royalty
Mind full of nothing
Chillin' with herbal tea
As I abuse him verbally
With annunciated hyperbole.
His eyes are now empty
Unlike my cup which is tempting
Don't even know who you are bear,
You're less than a memory.

Chyea, 2015, word

First thoughts on the first sips:
Okay wow that is interesting. Not what I was expecting at all. Citrusy and follow up minty...ish(??). This tea is waaaay more assertive than that cute, nonchalant bear on the front of the box lets on. I don't like this new world. Mummy, I want to go home, rebirth me back the original way please.
It kind of slaps you in the face and wakes you up. I'm already up, not that I could sleep when my house is subzero temperatures anyway.


Many a sip later:
There is a lot going on in this tea; the vanilla sticks to the back of your throat once the acidic flavours are through with their guerrilla tactics, after you've finished breathing through the mint. The flavours come in waves: the flavours waver, I'll keep drinking I just gotta be braver, I'm a saviour, you're lamer, when the lions roll round I train the tamer, you can't touch me son; it's all gonna be mine, I'll take the kettle and give you Sleepytime®. Seriously though, it's fine. It's not the bomb, but I can see how this would actually be doubleplusgood tea in some people's opinion. To be honest, I think some of these flavours would work well with a chai blend, and some honey if you feel like cheating.


Recommendation:
Go in with expectations, and you're almost always sure to leave disappointed (barring Mad Max 3, and I'm sure the new Star Wars will be the BEST MOVIES EVER). Take this with a metaphorical grain of salt and let it settle you, alleviate your nerves, and punch you in the tongue with a caustic sneak attack (+2d6).


Final words:
Ahh damn, I got 19 tea bags to go.