Adobe's update policy: a solution (solved)

This post details a quick fix for Adobe updater tasks being scheduled every hour of every day. Why does Adobe have a version release policy where they require HOURLY updates all year round? How is that acceptable software development deployment? Why do you feel the need to constantly waste  significant worldwide bandwidth over a program which isn't all that useful/different from other softwares, often ones which have better features and aren't overcluttered and bulky as fuck with ridiculous features that are also simultaneously limiting? Why this exists, I don't know. "It's not a bug, it's a feature" I'm sure, but I don't see it.

1) Open Task Scheduler

2) Click the Task Scheduler Library folder
3) Right-click on ALL THE ADOBE THINGS AND DISABLE THEM

 4) ALL OF THEMMMMMM

I'm okay, I'm okay. Breathe, breathe.