Twinings' Herbal Infusions: Camomile and Spearmint

So because remakes and sequels are such a big thing right now, I thought I'd capitalize on old markets and revitalize the tea blog. I'm trying to draw in younger crowds by throwing in hip references, such as newer Simpsons quotes, BETTER AND NEWER CGI, references to new FPS games, and basically whoring out any semblance of what the original project once was. I will Ray William Johnson the shit out of this. Just like how the new X-Files 6 episode mini-season isn't about appeasing the fans with the conclusion of the fucking Mythology arc alien storyline which has been a constant 9-season thorn in my side for the last 15 years, this blog won't actually deal with any of the issues, won't even address there are problems in the first place, and won't try to be better than it should, because really, why should it get better? You tea hounds will come crawling back whether you like it or not, you just sit there, drinking your tea, talk about your chai's and T2 blends while holding back those tears as they roll down your face and plop into your brew, and you wonder why it doesn't get better. I'll tell you why, because I have really, really bad taste and really high standards. I am the last person that should critique anything, in fact my advice besides this little nugget I'm giving away right now, should be followed to the letter in every opposite way possible, that way ensuring the illusion of myself as a tea expert, and you getting roundabout recommendations.

The equation is as follows:

Good advice = Ben's advice x (-)1

Anyway, moving on, today's tea is Twinings' Herbal Infusions: Camomile and Spearmint, so let's talk about that:

HEY BEN DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK TO THIS
CAPTION LATER AND CHANGE IT INTO SOMETHING
FUNNY OR INTERESTING OKAY. IF YOU FORGET, YOU
ARE A GIANT DOUCHEBAG WHO WILL NEVER ACHIEVE
ANYTHING IN LIFE EXCEPT DYING BALD AND ALONE 

Initial observations:
Certainly smells spearminty, although nothing that's ever smelled like this and been in the form of a warm yellow liquid, has ever resulted happy endorphins being released by various mechanisms that cause my mind to experience pleasure. If you did an fMRI scan of my brain right now, the pain and danger centers would be lighting up so brightly, experts would believe the scans were taken of someone who was currently being chased across land and sea by a bear-orca hybrid.

[1] Take one guess as to how they generated the physical pain rating of 5 in
this paper. Well, they diluted this tea 1 in 1000 then made patients drink it

First thoughts on the first sips:

Wow, what a surprise. As per usual the first sip of a MINT flavoured tea is underwhelming and lives in 'meh' town, along with every other mint flavoured tea. A New Zealander would NOT describe this tea as 'munt as bru'


Many sips later:

The camomile isn't bad, but I feel it needs to be accentuated with a more intense flavour, so in other words: the spearmint is meant to be the pushup bra of this drink, but instead it's just padded the cup (boom bra pun) with toilet paper. Toilet paper fresh off the roll is actually the closest thing I can describe to the taste of camomile in general. #2ply4lyf

There are a few things I hate in this world:

1. Wearing pants
2. Any variation on mint tea
3. When you're playing CoD: Black Ops II and constantly being sniped by noobs from the Nuketown bedroom and cos you know IRL you could snipe them back so hard cos they are p*ssy n****r b*tches...and stuff
4. Any variation on mint tea.

Since this tea breaks not one, but two of the rules, it is not a good tea and deserves to be poured into a fogger at an underage Frankston rave club.

Recommendation: 

Tea should be good, tea should be a pleasure to drink,

Cos tea, just wants to be drunk
That's all it really waaaaaaaants

Do NOT drink this tea if your life goals include: happiness, discomfort avoidance, and unnecessarily wasting stomach space with things that aren't delicious.

Final words:

Oh ski ski ski ski ski ski ski (recurring)

Source:

[1] http://www.nature.com/nrn/journal/v14/n8/fig_tab/nrn3538_F3.html