Madam Flavour's Tea Treats: Orange choc ceylon PLUS 2015 Tea season stats review

I actually drank this tea for the first time over a week ago, and I keep coming back here to write about it, but I haven't really found the words to express my thoughts on it until now. As I look back on this post before publishing it, I realise this my most intimate tea review to date. Maybe it's due to me coming around completely to tea over the past 8 months, maybe I'm just straddling that fine line between my brain being hyper-aware, basking in the aftergloam and being just that little bit sleepy, but I feel like my whole tea career culminated to this point; a sort of scientific intelligent design (wut) that would have always led me here. I don't want to say fate, but if Jeebus didn't have a hand in this, I don't know who did. That is of course, unless I wholeheartedly take responsibility for the things that happen to me, and that my own decisions and actions shape the course of my life, and that I'm not a piece of driftwood in a cosmic entity's random and convoluted tidal ebb and flow, that maybe, just maybe as I systematically drank hundreds of teas over the past 8 months, that statistically I would find a tea I truly enjoy. I've been in an 8 month long war of attrition with tea, and now I'm finally starting to reap the teawards.


Here we go:
I knew the minute I smelled the tea bags as I was opening the box that this would be a tea I would not forget. That dark and complex riff between the acidic orange and the dark, deep cocoa gave me shivers down my spine. This one's it, I can feel it: I am finally going to find a tea I legitimately want to drink over water.

If there was one thing that was going to cause me to die of a
black tea overdose, it would be this tea, and I am fully
prepared for this both emotionally and mentally.

Indirect senses:
The rehydrated tea mix is filling my room with the smell of molten chocolate, and as I lean over the tea to smell it, the tangy orange zest tickles my nostrils with giddy delight. Right now, I am so keen, and there has never been a more appropriate use of the term.


Primary tasting:
Woah, that is special. An unrelenting orange blast right to the face; this tea is an overachiever when it comes to reaching its potential. Chocolate aftertones betwixt mouthfuls, and deep cocoa aromas before going back for another sip. This tea is splendid. It is legitimately splendid. I have tears forming in my eyes right now.


Mulled thoughts:
Dark chocolate/orange is combination you either love or hate, and I'm a huge fan of the deadly fusion. It's funny how the simple blend of orange peel, cocoa beans and black tea in the right ratio will obliterate all my love for cute furry animals and have me wound up like a dentist on the ledge of the West Gate Bridge. NOTHING I DO WILL EVER ECLIPSE THE FEELING I HAVE FOR THIS TEA. WHY COME I WILL NEVER LOVE SOMETHING AS MUCH AS THIS TEA?

Another bonus about this tea is that it actually contains black tea. The blend hits a really great flavour:tea ratio and it makes it accessible to dirty, filthy casuals, as well as self-absorbed, narrow minded tea bloggers. I am PISSED this bag only comes with 10, and not an exciting number such as 20 or something in triple digits, however my search is over. This is a tea I will be buried with. I refuse to move onto the afterlife unless buried with this tea. I will haunt you all like the Holy Ghost did to Mary if I am not buried with this tea. I will go all Sleepy Hollow on you I swear on my future headless body!


Thought du final:
Now I have found my new tops tea, I can move onto my next blog; reviewing sex toys, and if I've learned anything from tea, I want to start with the biggest, and blackest ones and move downwards in intensity.

2015 Season review

With this years Teason (tea drinking season) coming to a close, let's take a look back at some of the stats and superb plays throughout this past tea-filled year:

The post season interview:

Interviewer: How are you?
BV: Err, good. Yeah, I'm good, how are you?
I: Yeah, can't complain. Let's jump right into it shall we?
BV: Yeah, let's do it.
I: So, how do you feel about your time in the tea cup this year? Do you think you accomplished what you set out to do?
BV: Well, that's a bit of a loaded question don't you think? I think I played hard this season, and I think I learned a lot. In reflection, I've had a lot of fun this year, I've developed the catalogue, gone down the rabbit hole over a hundred times and come up with a bunch of new plays, new experiences and brewed with the best of them.
I: I mean just looking at those stats, 14/100 teas and those half-baked reviews, that's not exactly tea sommelier material.
BV: Coming into this season as a fresh rookie I didn't expect as much cup time as I got, so that was good that the coaches believed in my abilities enough to put me in the cup for me to prove I could get the job done. In response to your criticism, this season was about growing the (tea)m from the ground up. We didn't have a lot of knowledge coming in, no plan or direction, just a whole list of tea candidates and one mouth to put it in. I think it's unfair to call it unsommelier-like. The half-baked review criticism I will take on the chin however, I deserve that.
I: You had a rocky start to the season way back in December.
BV: You know, at that point, it was such a dark time, I had been drinking tea for months and not liked any of it yet. It was soul crushing and the daily grind really weighed on me. Even after #30, when I finally bagged one, it still didn't feel like I was getting anywhere.
I: How did you feel about not posting a review on every tea you tried?
BV: Well, most of the time I just couldn't be bothered, you know you spend so much time with the cup; training, playing the game and staying focused, that sometimes you forget about the press and reaching out. I'd just like to formally apologize to all the fans out there that supported me the whole way, even if it felt like a one-way street sometimes.
I: How do you respond to the allegations of milk and honey supplementation?
BV: *Covers mic with hand* We talked about this, I won't be answering any questions about that.
*Producer Mac Weebly visibly concerned*
I: If you could just respond to-
BV: This interview is over, goodbye.
I: Mr Vezina, please wait. Is he leaving? Okay he is actually leaving the set. Okay everyone, umm...good job. Do we have enough Mac?
Mac: Yeah I think we got it.