So I decided today would be a great day to get up at 9 AM and go to the farmers market, despite the fact I got to bed around 4 AM. I am pretty sure I woke up drunk, or at least unburdened of a few less malfunctioning brain cells, you know, the ones that help with the whole balance and hand-eye coordination thing. At this point I can't really tell, but it doesn't really matter anyway. I should weigh myself before and after...wait, that won't tell me anything..will it? I figure with my steady and constant decline of my already feeble intelligence, it won't matter to me soon anyway. As the processing power of my brain slowly grinds to a halt, I will become happier and happier. At least this is the trend I have noticed while drinking, so I figure it's the same in real life too.
Isn't it cool that humans have an "I'M AWESOME AND INVICIBLE" magic potion called alcohol? It cleans wounds, melts inhibitions, and makes you brave enough to stick a needle into your own ey- Oh wait, that's heroin, which I guess is kinda the same thing. Still, that's pretty neato! I'm not saying do drugs, but I'm not saying don't do them either. I'm not here to tell you what to do, or aren't I? I just want to see you don't not do drugs. Confused? Am, me...too?
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| Aww who's that cutie-pie in the reflection? Who's that precious flower petal? Adawwwwable little pumpkin! Yes you are, yes you are! Tehehehehehe *farts* |
Hmmm:
This smells delicious. I am not going to lie, I am at half mast right now. I stand at attention and treat my superiors with respect.
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| No more waiting, I'm checking in |
Weeeeeeee:
Dammit, that is good. That is like eating raspberry and white chocolate anything, that's what that reminds me of. If love could be freeze dried, it would taste like this. This would be amazing as an iced tea.
I guaranTEA (lel) that if soldiers in WW2 took this blend with them, and exchanged it with enemy soldiers, all would lay down their nunchucks, come up out of trenches (they still fought in trenches right?) for a spat and gumble, empty their musket powder bags into the wind, and enjoy the company of other raspberry and vanilla scented humans as they rolled cannonballs off the deck into the ocean, giggling like school children. Fighting would definitely have resumed after everyone realised there was a limited supply, but the smart ones would cut the throats of their once-enemies, now spooning partners as they sucked their thumbs in gentle slumber. As the ground runs red with bloody mud, the sound of boots squelch through the sticky mire as the ones left standing walk towards the few remaining packets of Tea Harvests' raspberry and vanilla rooibos, raising fists even against those in the same uniform.
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| I was going to cut myself and stand in my backyard for a picture like this, but instead I found a website where some guys shot a buffalo with a bow and arrow in what they called a 'Buffalo Field Test' [1]. I know when I need to test anything, I always put it to the 'Buffalo Field Test' because it really is an unmatched gold standard in today's modern world. |
Ahhh:
Wow, this is really good. The raspberry is so fresh and aromatic, despite being desiccated and dead for ages. Who knew death could make me feel so alive? It is just a blushing full flavour. Maybe I'm tasting the soul. Vanilla is an amazing accentuation, and rooibos for the 'tea' moniker, with their powers combined they are a radical blend.
I am actually going to stop looking for a life partner because I've found something I want by my side forever. I would kill for this tea. STAY AWAY. GET BACK.
Zzzzz:
OH GOD I'VE JUST REALISED I'M GOING TO RUN OUT OF IT ONE DAY. The farmers market is once a month? Are they serious? Who's idea was that? I will kil- Oh wait, they have a website: www.teaharvest.com.au, phew.
Much love all,
Pfft:
[1] http://ospsabermaxx.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Blood-Trail-mud.jpg
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