Chrysanthemum tea

Hi guys, today's tea is brought to you by my friend Qian, who has sent me this glorious bunch of teas you see before you:

This tea library needs no caption, bask in it's wonders.
Oh wait....

So I'd like to thank her for being a champ! The tea I am trying today is Chrysanthemum, which is basically dried flowers + boiling water. So far it doesn't smell overly appetising, but I'm fast learning to not judge a tea by it's smell. Maybe that's why I shouldn't try to eat my watermelon scented candle? But it smells sooooo goooooood.

I didn't think I'd ever see the day that I drink tea made from
chopped off flower heads. A bee, would love this tea!

Initial observations:

I wonder what goes through people's heads when they smell something that doesn't smell amazing, yet they still put it inside their mouth anyway and they can't even be sure it's edible. I wonder if human kind is just a massive, uncoordinated series of trial and error, kind of like the game Lemmings, where your mistakes cost lives. 
Okay here we go.

"Yes master, we all trust you. You will lead us to safety, all of us."

First thoughts on the first sips:

Hmm, it's not bad. It's quite pleasant, it has a kind of fresh taste to it like a very mild, mild mint. I was literally expecting it to taste like sunflowers, which by the way are gross. I was recommended two flowers per cup, but I could definitely handle dropping in at least double. 

Many sips later:

I can see why tea bags are a thing, because they stop you swallowing tea shrapnel and having to clear it out from between your teeth. That said, this is a really nice tea, and I'm not just saying that because someone sent it to me! I'm not here to take sides and be a biased reviewer! I take my tea very seriously, and I resent the accusation! Take it back you coward!

Recommendation: 

I'd say go for it, but I'm not sure how you get tea like this. That said I think it's worth a shot, and it's definitely unique from at least my point of view in terms of tea. It doesn't try to be anything it's not; it doesn't stomp around with exclamations of what it's mean to taste like, it's just two little Chrysanthemum flowers bobbing up and down in a mug of boiling water. This is a humble effing tea. Colour me effing humbled.

Final words:

Seriously, I'm not drinking tea without tea bags again, I'll fashion one out of papers from dropped cigarette butts if I need to.

Chinese Jasmine Tea - Nudle (Knox City)

Well, here I am staring at my blog post, realising I didn't take a photo of the tea I drank on my field trip because I didn't want to look like an Instatard taking photos of my food and have the people behind the counter judge me, except now I feel bad for the two people that read this because now they don't have a visual yardstick of the drink I endured through. Instead, have an original picture of mine:

The mug was white,
The tea was sea-green,
I drank this tea without a fight. 

Today I was in good company, eating decent enough food and drinking some foreign "Chinese Jasmine" tea at Nudle at Knox City. 

Initial observations:

Smells gross like feet and looks like watered down puke. Man this is why I hate field trips, they promise so much, yet yield none of their potential.

First thoughts on the first sips:

It's like the first time man drank salt water expecting fresh; that look on his face is the same look I have on mine. The expression someone had when for the first time, they saw a man squeezing the liquid from a cow's teat and then drinking it, is the same look I now have upon my own. Gross. Jasmine and taste buds don't go together, there I said it.

Many sips later:

That's weird, now I'm kinda diggin' it. Its kind of refreshing and satisfying, and it leaves a weird but pleasant taste on tongue; all the great ones leave their mark, like how the Wet Bandits always leave the taps running:

I am loving this jasmine tea! Oh god it's finally happening. Maybe it's just the food on my tongue. Cleaning palate with rice, now trying again.
Nope, damn, I still like it.

Recommendation: 

I wouldn't recommend going to Nudle at Knox City, the food is comme ci comme ca, but the Chinese Jasmine tea ain't half bad.

Final words:

Not worth going to Nudle over, just order tea then leaf (leave, geddit? Ahh shut up)


Ender notes:
If you want to send me on a field trip to drink some tea, let me know and I'll get my parents to sign the permission form.

Lipton's infusion - Refreshing Mint (Peppermint)

Say what you will about their sugary iced tea, Lipton really know how to treat a tea drinking aficionado like me right. Look at that square cardboard piece protecting their patented PyramidTM technology!
Yes that is steam coming off my drink, yes this is a 33°C humid day, and yes that is how much I am committed to living the #tealyf. Today I am here with Lipton's infusion - Refreshing Mint (Peppermint).

My other food is getting cold, I can think of a better picture
caption tomorrow.

Initial observations:

Yum, smells...minty? Who would have guessed? Not much to say about this one yet, but if it's not strong enough, I'd like to think I have more class than to spike it with oh say, Mentos....

First thoughts on the first sips:

I've gotta say, meh, pretty average. You know I'm just not diggin' mint tea. It barks more than it bites, and doesn't hold up to the minty promise it pinky swears to my nostrils.

Many sips later:

I'm kind of going through the motions with this one, I mean I can feel my tolerance for tea has shot up like Keanu Reeves in Point Break, but I mean come on! It's just flavoured water, it's not the tea I know and hate! This tea is made without love.

Recommendation: 

Meh, skip this one unless you want to be as disappointed. It's just not worth the minutes of your life, after all, we get precious little time on this planet and I wouldn't want you wasting it drinking things that reek of 'meh'.

Final words:

Bah humbug!

Ender notes:
A friend recently told me: "A have a feeling by the end you will actually start enjoying tea". I have the very same feeling, but then I realised that if I never stop drinking tea, I can never get to the 'end', therefore I may never actually start enjoying tea. Stockholm syndrome mayhaps? Hmm, much to ponder. 

Lipton's green tea - Mandarin Orange

While living through this half-baked, waking nightmare people call the "tea life", I thought I'd go through my randomly assorted teas and pull out the one sitting at the bottom of the jar. It just so happened to be Lipton's green tea - Mandarin Orange. 
Wow, fancy triangular prism tea bag! Posh tea bag bag (bag that contains the tea bag)! This tea is already promising a whole new tea experience that is far different from the rest I've tried so far, and it had better live up to it otherwise I'll be so disappointed. 

It's just TEAsing me with it's gorgeous smell. No, I won't run out

of tea puns, there's always more BREWING, in fact if I couldn't

think of tea puns, I'd be in very HOT WATER, considering I am

the proud reluctant owner of a tea blog.

Initial observations:

As I just poured the boiling water over the tea bag (you're meant to do that right), a strong acidic orange fume wafted below my nose. Oh gosh, it smells like I'm sitting next to someone who has just opened a mandarin and orange simultaneously, and they fill the air with a wonderful sweet and acidic aroma. I am actually annoyed I need to wait for this one to cool down before trying it.

First thoughts on the first sips:

Woah! Too hot! That one might be my fault. Worth it though!

Many sips later:

Oh this is good, this is really, really good. I mean, I would actually bring this to work and drink this. I mean, I could also bring a mandarin to work and eat that instead. Man, I haven't bought mandarins in ages! I should grow mandarins. Do I live in the right cliamate to grow mandarins? They are amazing, I love the smell. I hate peeling them. Hmm, maybe tea is good because I don't need to peel mandarins. I also really love oranges. I prefer OJ to tea though, OJ is muuuch better. OJ is my favourite liquid. Do they make OJ tea? I really want some OJ right now. I own a car! I have money! Sooo glad I'm an adult.

Recommendation: 

If you really want to drink tea, make it this one. But I also recommend mandarins too, because now I'm just craving mandarins. Also oranges! This tea is really slammin', its like mandarin-lite. It's what iPod Minis are to the iPod (If you're under 18 don't worry about that one). In tea, less is more from what I gather, and this has just the right amount of real flavour.

Final words:

Lol, the tea bag says "it's a perfect union brought together by our PyramidTM bags". They actually name their tea bags! I would have called them tea prisms, or tea temples. Trademark, copyright, patent pending.


Ender notes:
If you have been following this blog, aww shucks mister/ma'am, it's awful kind and mighty swell of you. Some of you have even offered to send some of your teas, be them good or bad. When they arrive, they will be atop my list, and I will review them ASAP, with just as much unwillingness and reluctance as I have the previous teas. Let me put out a proclamation: I am taking requests. Send your worst, send your best, it doesn't matter, I probably won't like them anyway, but I'll still write about it.

TEAce out (geddit, peace ou- Oh forget it)

Twining's Herbal Infusions - Pure Camomile

Camomile, a tea originally invented by a Japanese chemist in 1893 while researching compounds within traditional Chinese medications, is enjoyed today by thousands of lowlives and people with low socio-economic backgrounds - Oh wait, that's crystal meth. My bad people, my bad. Today I am reviewing Twining's Herbal Infusions - Pure Camomile

Where are you actually suppose to put tea bags when you
are done with them?

Initial observations:

Smells kinda gross, I'm not sure why I'm not stopping myself; it's never worked out for me in the past. *Gulp*

First thoughts on the first sips:

Hmmm, I don't quite hate it. I don't know if I'd go out of my way to drink this. It's quite mellow and isn't asking a lot of me. I just feel like a chill mofo, coming down off my bowling high, drinking this (I just came back from bowling). I. am. One. Cool. Cat.

Many sips later:

Despite looking like urine, it's actually quite pleasant. I kind of want to add honey because it feels like it will compliment it really well. I don't know what camomile actually is, but it's nice. I feel like smiling, but since showing feelings in front of the herd is a sign of weakness I'll just smile when I put my big mug-covering mug up to my face to drink this. 

Recommendation: 

Bugger, I wrote a funny one-liner dissing this tea, but I can't use it because I actually kinda like this puppy. Oh well, here it is anyway, in all it's non-sincerity: Drinking this I feel like I've run-o-mile, more like run-o-1000-miles - camomile, runomile (geddit?). I do recommend this, if you don't like this one, maybe you just don't understand tea like I do.

Final words:

Can't be sure if I'm just getting used to tea like I did with beer and learned to tolerate it, or whether I'm lowering my standards each day, or whether I actually enjoy this brew. Regardless, nomnom!

Tetley's Peach (with a squeeze of orange)

Next on the hitlist is Tetley's Peach (with a squeeze of orange). 

Just in case this one sucks I've got 2 x toasted ham cheese and
 tomato sandwiches close by. See how I didn't take a photo of
my meal and put a filter over it? Instagram users, take a hint.

Initial observations:

Holy hell this smells glorious; I've just got peach steam wafting around my room, I'm kind of scared to drink it on the off chance this might actually suck. Surely it can't, no one can screw up peaches.

First thoughts on the first sips:

Hmm, I actually kind of like it. It's not too overbearing, but not quite strong enough as I'd like it to be. I'm kind of getting the impression that 'less is more' with tea, although there's still no trace of that fabled "squeeze of orange". Subtle stuff.

Many sips later:

Yum, got peach remnants still lingering on the tongue well after each sip. This is making me happy, even my burps taste like peach! I am now in slurp and burp mode, gotta get the most out of this one.

Recommendation: 

This isn't your average tea, but it's sure no average tea either. Would recommend to parents who have lazy teenagers who don't clean their room, or as an extra ingredient in urinal cakes, as the aroma is delightful and anyone who hates peaches is wrong.

Final words:

Can't talk, too busy ordering 20 boxes, THEY'RE ALL MINE! STAY AWAY!

Twinings Classics - English Breakfast

Oh god, even the tea bag smells horrible, bleh, people actually drink this willingly? Today in the mug is Twinings Classics - English Breakfast

Initial observations:

Smells horrible once brewed (you brew tea right).

Looks like whisky, maybe this can be my new whisky mug!

First thoughts on the first sips:

I don't know what this is meant to taste like, but I really, really don't like it. Can't finish third sip. I hate my life. I just don't get it; I am astounded.

Many sips later:

It actually gets worse the lower the volume in the cup is. I kind of wish I'd burned my tongue on the first sip so I couldn't taste it anymore; I'd rather lick the inside of a chimney. I am dumbfounded. I am at a loss for words. My friend sitting beside my can vouch for my gagging and reluctance to swallow it.

Recommendation: 

Don't make this one ever, just leave it in the shelf, and when your enemies come round to your house, ask them if they want tea, then spring this on them. Genius, backhanded niceties.

Final words:

I am done. Seriously, done with this crap. It's put me in a bad mood.